The role of a parent is not to protect their child from life's difficulties, but to guide them through — providing assistance and resources to assist them in flourishing during challenging periods .
As a children's life specialist and counselor I have collaborated with numerous children and their families who were dealing with illnesses, traumas, grief, and losses. Throughout these experiences, I've noticed specific phrases and behaviors indicating when a child is developing healthy coping mechanisms for life’s unavoidable challenges.
It's not about maintaining composure or refraining from crying. Instead, it involves employing techniques and abilities to handle, endure, and lessen stress as it occurs. This is precisely why kids who deal with challenges effectively are likely to possess high emotional intelligence They excel at recognizing their own emotions and employ constructive methods to handle them effectively.
Pay attention to these six phrases you might hear from children with high emotional intelligence:
1. 'It's alright to feel down.'
Children who possess a high level of emotional intelligence probably have reliable grown-ups who have instructed them It's alright to shed tears, and every emotion is acceptable.
They understand that it’s normal to experience sadness, anger, frustration, or worry when faced with challenging circumstances. Similarly, they’ve come to realize that it’s perfectly fine to enjoy happy, joyous, or lighthearted moments even during difficult periods.
2. 'I require some distance'
Kids who have effective coping mechanisms can identify and handle their feelings. They recognize the signals—quickened thinking, an accelerated heart rate, tight muscles, or butterflies in the stomach—and feel at ease requesting what they require.
They could go to their " coping corner To allow themselves the opportunity for deep breathing exercises, they may choose to grab a pinwheel or blow bubbles.
It’s probable that they acquired these abilities by observing their parents demonstrate self-control and honest dialogue.
3. 'Are you okay?'
Emotionally intelligent children can recognize emotions in others , indeed. They recognize that both grown-ups and children may experience intense emotions during tough periods, and that each person deals with these situations uniquely.
They could be the initial ones to realize that when their friend When someone is upset, they might require some space or a comforting hug, and both responses are acceptable.
They inherently empathize with others and effortlessly feel at ease when listening to someone else’s viewpoint. They honor the individual's requirements and collaborate effectively.
They realize that despite their parent being emotionally charged, love, care, and safety are always present.
4. 'I don't like…'
Children who've practiced setting boundaries People who consider how others want to be treated generally possess high emotional intelligence. They can convey their requirements, desires, and emotions efficiently while also being attuned to the other individual’s sensitivities.
They could express, "It bothers me when you use my belongings without permission," or, "It upsets me when I'm unsure of what will happen next." Alternatively, they may share other comments beginning with:
- "I'm not okay with…"
- I'd rather not discuss...
- I don't find it pleasant/humorous when…
They also make sure to respect the needs of both their siblings and peers.
5. 'I erred'
This statement suggests that a child demonstrates self-reflection and an absence of shame. Rather than fearing the act of making or acknowledging errors, they can discuss these issues openly and engage in finding solutions to enhance the circumstances.
They also acknowledge areas where they could have improved or acted differently, recognizing that mistakes are part of our learning process. grow, learn, and develop through challenges.
6. 'I've got a notion'
Confidence and creativity In problem-solving, indicators of emotional intelligence and healthy coping can be observed. Children who have encountered challenging circumstances have learned to collaborate with both their peers and trustworthy adults to identify practical solutions or ways forward.
They feel secure sharing their thoughts, insights, and attributes, while simultaneously being open to hearing and absorbing input from those around them.
As children encounter hurdles and repercussions within a secure setting, they have the opportunity to hone their ability to make decisions and adapt flexibly. This process also aids in fostering their emotional intelligence and boosting their sense of self-worth.
It starts with you
If your children haven't started using those phrases yet, there's no need for concern. Developing emotional intelligence and coping mechanisms requires time and usually starts with how parents guide them.
Begin by demonstrating these actions yourself. Children learn most effectively when they see behaviors exemplified.
Kelsey Mora is a certified Child Life Specialist and licensed clinical therapist who offers personalized assistance, advice, and materials to parents, families, and communities affected by health issues, traumatic events, loss, and routine life pressures. Running her own private practice, she is also a mother of two children and the founder as well as writer behind various initiatives. The Method Workbooks , and the Chief Clinical Officer at the nonprofit organization Pickles Group .
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