At the age of only 26, Hope Woodard came up with a term that inadvertently brought about significant changes in her life: Boysober.
In 2023, the comedian resided in New York and aspired to embody a specific kind of persona involved with a particular sort of partner who was seen in a certain light.
She spent most of her time on dating platforms, attending numerous initial meetings and engaging in hookup encounters. It seemed like she was relentlessly seeking male acknowledgment and finding affirmation through sexual experiences and emotional bonds.
She was desperately seeking connection and had finally connected with a man who seemed utterly indifferent and uncaring towards her. explains to the ABC podcast, Ladies We Need To Talk .
And have you ever confused dullness for intrigue? It quickly turned into a challenge of sorts: 'How can I get you to fancy me?'
The focus was solely on victory and getting selected. It shouldn’t have happened that at 27, I am fixated on a man as if I’m still 17.
Hope grew disillusioned with the dating scene. Eventually, she decided it was time for a change and realized she needed to clean up her act.
Hope opted for a break year, removed her dating applications, and embarked on what she referred to as her "Boysober" phase.
She mentions, 'I felt such a strong sense of control over my own body, my personal space, and my time.'
When I took a step back, I noticed how often I had agreed to things related to sex or romance with men simply to avoid hurting their feelings.
For the first time, I felt like 'No one gets to be more than just friends with me.'
She shared her stories online, and the phrase quickly gained traction. Before long, people began joining the movement known as Boysover.
The issue went beyond just changing the concept of priestly celibacy. For Hope, it was about abandoning an idea she'd held since her youth—that worth is measured through male acknowledgment, regardless of how insignificant, flawed, or indifferent that recognition might be.
She clarifies, 'No relationships formed through social media, no dating applications, and no former partners involved.'
The BoysOver Flowers journey considers how you approach love—not merely focusing on sex, intimacy, and romance—but also examining how you show self-love and care for those within your community. It’s about identifying which actions are beneficial and which ones might be causing harm.
Being single by choice
We reside in a community that still values coupledom . For numerous women, getting married and becoming a mother continue to be seen as the pinnacle achievements of a meaningful existence.
In the last half-century, Australia has changed dramatically from a society predominantly composed of married individuals to one where an increasing number of people opt for remaining unmarried.
According to a 2023 report from the Australian Institute of Family Studies, the number of lone-person homes in Australia is increasing. Many individuals are choosing to prioritize solo living over romantic partnerships and are instead enriching their lives through friendships, leisure activities, and individual pursuits.
This is part of an international pattern. The Pew Research Center analyzed U.S. census data and discovered that in 2019, 38 percent of adults between the ages of 25 and 54 lived alone or without a spouse or partner. This represents an increase from 29 percent in 1990.
From 2002 to 2018, the count of UK women younger than 70 years old who were unmarried and not part of a couple grew by approximately half a million.
For numerous women, 'Boysober' is not just a trendy slogan; it's a persistent truth.
Elizabeth Shaw, who serves as both a clinical psychologist and the CEO of Relationships Australia NSW Branch, states More individuals are beginning to challenge this notion. That idea suggests you find 'the one' in your early 20s and simply remain together for life.
Dr. Shaw mentions that a prevalent misunderstanding is the belief that many singles are quietly longing for their personal fairy tale romance.
She suggests that we are thoroughly accustomed to viewing being in a committed partnership as a reward.
A lone individual is typically portrayed as an unconventional figure…or perhaps the quintessential cat lady. I find none of these depictions particularly useful.
Living without one's "better half"
To dispel the notion that they are simply “cursed when it comes to relationships,” multiple women who have chosen to remain single shared their insights with the ABC’s podcast “Ladies We Need To Talk.” They highlighted how independent living can be highly fulfilling and frequently gets misinterpreted.
Several of them discussed the suffocating belief that women require an "other half" to feel whole.
Some discussed the difficulties of maintaining friendships when those friends start pairing up with partners, as they may end up prioritizing their romantic relationships over time.
When Andie Tall recounted her experiences to the podcast, she mentioned that during her 15-year stint as a singleton, she enjoyed having full control over her life without needing to alter her choices to align with someone else’s preferences.
Being single also helped diversify her social life.
She mentions that her circle of friends is quite varied, each having their own distinct set of interests.
Dr. Shaw echoes this sentiment, mentioning that she often encounters clients who find it challenging to form new friendships following a breakup since their previous connections were mostly with other couples.
She remarks that it’s incredible how numerous men and women exclusively have platonic friendships with each other.
Most of their close friends are pairs too, which means when one couple splits up, it really disrupts the whole group dynamic.
Dr. Shaw indicates that studies demonstrate women generally handle singledom more effectively than men do.
"That's because women are much better at having a whole lot of very rewarding social connections," she says.
That's why they thrive more as they benefit from nurturing relationships. In contrast, men do not bring people together to the same extent.
Living alone can be beneficial for you.
US social scientist Bella DePaulo scrutinizes the "entire myth" surrounding marriage, suggesting this notion portrays married individuals as "more content, robust, long-lived, and ethically superior."
Dr DePaulo states that research into unmarried individuals indicates that popular beliefs suggesting these persons are miserable and unwell until they meet their "soulmate" are largely "greatly overstated or entirely incorrect."
A study published in the Journal of Women's Health in 2017 revealed that older women undergoing divorce or separation tend to report improvements in their overall well-being.
"Recent research indicates that getting married doesn’t lead to improved health ... and individuals remain equally content or discontented as they were before marriage," according to Dr DePaulo.
Dr DePaulo mentions that individuals who are single usually engage more actively in civic groups and frequently volunteer within their communities.
"A study focusing on Australian women over 70 years old found that those who remained single throughout their lives and did not have children volunteered more often than those who had been married at some point," she explains.
If you’re not preoccupied with wondering, ‘When’s my next date?’ then you have the space to consider what truly matters to you. This allows you to follow your interests and chase after your dreams.
Indeed, there was research that tracked individuals who remained single throughout their lives alongside those who got married over a period of five years.
Over that five-year span, they discovered that individuals who remained single underwent greater personal development.
For Andie, being unmarried and enjoying independence means desiring "fulfillment" from life.
She states that people think she will be alone for life and die solitary. Yet, they also believe she leads an unrestrained and glamorous lifestyle.
The truth is that I have strong connections with many individuals, and I experience abundant love and fulfillment in my life.
Hope Woodard states that embracing Boysover has enabled her to cultivate self-nurturing habits and enhance various aspects of her life.
“Previously, when relationships and romance were central to every aspect of life, I always felt vulnerable because without them, it seemed as though I lacked everything. It sounds overdramatic, yet there’s an element of truth to it,” she explains.
Now I have a life constructed without men, sex, and romance as focal points; they no longer dominate me... Instead, I am focused on various projects I cherish, artwork I’m producing, and friendships that require constant nurturing and attention.
