There’s significant excitement about the emancipation of becoming an empty nester—so much liberty, let alone a tidier home.
However, for certain parents, instead of celebrating with champagne and converting their child’s room into a workout space, they grapple with emotions of sorrow and unease.
Empty nest syndrome is the sorrow felt by parents when their children leave the family residence to reside independently, either one at a time or altogether.
"I recall a very good friend of mine telling me she was lost and needing to find direction again," Angela Pearce, a mother of two children aged 25 and 21, said.
I found that deeply relatable because I'd been struggling to find a term for my feelings too. It’s about seeking an entirely different lifestyle than what you've known previously.
However, Dr Marjorie Collins, who serves as the president of the Institute of Clinical Psychologists, pointed out that it’s crucial to acknowledge empty nest syndrome isn’t classified as a “clinical condition”.
"Empty nest syndrome may be more pronounced in contemporary society due to the prevalence of nuclear families; hence, alterations in family dynamics or housing can have a larger effect compared to societies where extended relatives frequently interact and support each other," she explained.
Similar to Ms Pearce, Bernadette Pfitzner, who has three grown children at ages 31, 29, and 24, also struggled with a sense of void.
Ms Pfitzner mentioned that conversing with friends made them understand this is merely another phase of parenthood.
Dr Collins mentioned that feelings of loss can occur even during the years preceding a child's departure from the family home.
"This transformation occurs gradually over time," she stated.
However, it's crucial to acknowledge that this shift brings about positive elements too, as the parent starts to reshape their identity beyond the roles of active upbringing and child support.
Even though your kids have left home, it doesn’t imply you won't be able to frequently meet up or stay in touch with them, thereby nurturing affectionate and respectful connections.
Ms Pfitzner expressed her hope that in the years ahead, we might decrease the hours dedicated to work and instead allocate more time for vacations and actively participating in our grandchildren’s journeys as their families grow.
Dr Collins concurs with this strategy.
She suggested concentrating on incorporating fresh hobbies and pursuits into daily routines to mitigate the intensity of feelings of emptiness.
Ms Pearce mentioned, "I'm eager to progress, however, my spouse is not."
The house is overly spacious for our needs, yet he constructed it specifically for us... besides, where should we head next? And what kind of home suits us nowadays?
It was simpler back when the children were young to determine the type of home we required, but nowadays we find ourselves at a crossroad—do we opt for a unit, or should we look for something more spacious?
Negatives, yet positives too
Although a considerable number of parents (41.1 percent) feel sorrowful about their children leaving home, over half (51.4 percent) welcome this new phase with joy.
That's according to The Empty Nesters Report Starting from 2018, this marks the fourteenth edition of The Australian Seniors Series, a continuous nationwide research project exploring the evolving perspectives and worries impacting Australians aged over 50.
The report similarly highlighted that although there are drawbacks to becoming empty nesters—such as feeling nostalgic for when our children were at home (60.0 percent), experiencing reduced interaction with them (58.9 percent), and concern over their well-being (56.0 percent)—there are also positive aspects.
Ms Pfitzner stated that she could now be "more spontaneous."
She mentioned that their everyday schedule is straightforward, as they only need to focus on themselves.
Ms Pearce shared some personal advice for those grappling with empty nest syndrome.
Find solace in knowing that you've raised your kids with the assurance to venture forth independently, secure in the understanding that they always have a welcoming haven waiting for them at home.
Dr Collins mentioned that assistance is accessible.
“If you find your emotions overwhelming and more intense than typical feelings of discomfort or grief, or if these sensations linger, consider seeking further mental health assistance from a general practitioner or psychologist who can aid in adapting,” she advised.
Relationships Australia Additionally, provide assistance for empty nesters at 1300 364 277.
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